Tag: greek mythology

Jaja’s Greek Mythology: How To Get A Wife

Jaja’s Greek Mythology: How To Get A Wife

If Single people are checking this site out, looking for a way to get married quick, this is Hades’s version on getting a wife, I’m not a fan of it, but hey! it worked for him, so what’s not to try?

Now the Greek Gods are well, they’re human-like… not in the sense they’re weak like we are… but they behave like humans… I’m not even joking here, they’re personalities and behavior is almost definitely human. They have lots of conflict, which usually ends up making the world suffer. Ancient Greece was the time when us humans suffered the most.

Before you open this page and see all those names you might not know, read this post first. Just read up some names, don’t memorize them…

Step 1: Stalk

Nowadays, lots of people claim to stalk someone else in social media, which is kinda creepy… But well back then, Hermes or Athena hasn’t invented Social Media just yet, cause Athena probably wants the humans to do something more useful than procrastinating by opening the social media, and Hermes probably hasn’t gotten the thought of any possibility of expanding his advertising and commerce with Social Media.

Okay, so well, the title might be confusing, but remember Hades’s helmet? The one that made him invisible? well that was the first ever tool to stalk someone with. Trust me, it’s freaking creepy… Hades is one creepy dude, and having a creepy dude stalk you was scary enough, but having a creepy god who lives in an underground cave, and monitors dead souls stalk you? That’s probably the worst nightmare for women.

Hades Kidnapping Persephone On His Chariot

Who’s Hades wife you might ask? Persephone, Goddess of Springtime

Persephone was the daughter of Zeus (cause who isn’t), and Demeter. She was a pretty goddess with Nymphs taking care of her, and she walked around making flowers bloom all over the place, and stuff that teenagers in Ancient Greece does, before gadgets were invented and teenagers spend 90 minutes in their laptop writing an article. (guess who did that eh?) So, anyways, one time, Hades went outside the Underworld t0 grab some fresh air, because it’s impossible to breathe without any. That day, Hades saw Persephone frolicking among the fields, and he fell in love, just look at her.

No Dead Thing Is THIS Pretty

From that day, Hades forgot his job, and stalked Persephone all day long, without her knowing cause he’s got his Helm on. Even in the underworld, he forgot his job, and still dreamed about Persephone, which made Hades unproductive…

Step 2: Ask For The Dad’s Permission

So, this story will teach you 2 things…

  1. Don’t Trust Zeus’s advice
  2. Don’t make any Goddess (or in real life, Moms) angry

Now, it’s a known fact that Zeus spends his time getting girls, and well, Hades decided to ask advice from Zeus cause he’s dated lots of women. Apart from that, Hades also wanted to ask permission from Zeus to marry Persephone. Their conversation went onto something like this, which admittedly is dumb, and what the heck was in their minds when they talked?

  • Hades: Good day brother
  • Zeus: Ah, Hades, long time no see… How’s the Underworld?
  • Hades: Dead… and gloomy… and sad…
  • Zeus: That’s too bad, anyways, why have you come here?
  • Hades: I want to marry your daughter
  • Zeus: Which one? I’ve got like 100 of those
  • Hades: Persephone, and I promise that I’ll be a good husband (silently, unlike you who cheats a lot)
  • Zeus: Oh sure, that one… Which one’s her mother?
  • Hades: Demeter
  • Zeus: Don’t ask for her permission, she doesn’t like you remember?
  • Hades: I’m not sure anyone likes me…
  • Zeus: Just don’t talk to her, she’s overprotective
  • Hades: How do I get Persephone to talk to me then?
  • Zeus: Hmm… Just kidnap her, I’ll help you by luring her near the entrance of the underworld.
  • Hades: Are you sure? What about Demeter?
  • Zeus: Nah, she’ll barely know it was you…
  • Hades: Okay. . . Thanks brother

Well then, it’s settled… don’t ask for Zeus’s advice

Step 3: Kidnapping

So the very next day, Hades got a message sent to him via Olympus Express saying that you should wait with your chariot and your helmet on, and when you see Persephone, be sure to take her underground.

So, that day, Zeus put all of Persephone’s nymph friends to sleep. Persephone didn’t notice this, but Zeus made a pretty flower grow from one point to another, because as king, he has power to do that, I guess… Anyways, Persephone walked over and picked up every single one of them, which kind of lead to her straying so far away from her friends, and right near where Hades parked his underground chariot. So what happened?

Hades kidnapped her, and drowned out her screaming by taking her underground…

Hades Kidnapping Persephone On His Chariot of Shadowed Horses

After reaching his palace, Hades got confused with what to say, cause she’s there… and she’s real! How do I talk with a living thing… all of the dead things obey his command, now this living thing won’t. Hades eventually got the courage to say that he loves Persephone, and is willing to do anything for her, which isn’t really the best thing to say to a girl without any introduction.

Well, a bit of a side note, if you eat a bit of food that a house owner presented, according to manners, you’re not allowed to leave, until the house owner let you. Now, I’m talking about manners, but I’m also forgetting that according to manners, it isn’t allowed to kidnap people.

So, Hades started by presenting Persephone food and is trying to make her unable to leave, forever! (Insert the creepy sound effect here). But she rejected cause she’s smart, and at least she knows a bit of manners on what NOT to do at a stranger’s house… (Technically, Hades was his uncle, so that’s not necessarily a stranger, but Uncle’s aren’t supposed to marry Niece’s too… so, move along)

But… now how would you think Demeter reacted at this kidnapping?

Meanwhile, Back On Olympus

“Persephone? Where Are You? Persephone!? It’s way past your curfew!”

Demeter spent 7 days trying to find Persephone… Until she realized that you could use Greek’s best source of CCTV! what is that you might ask? Helios and his sun chariot…

Anyways, that day, Demeter forced Helios to spill out what he saw 7 days ago on his Sun Chariot, because 7 days ago, it was Helios’s shift to drive the chariot, not Apollo’s. From the Sun Chariot, there is literally nothing you can miss seeing, unless if it’s underground. Luckily, if it’s in the underground, you know exactly who the main suspect is, Hades… Now Helios said “I didn’t really see much, but I saw her going underground”, which luckily, Demeter knows who can make Hades bow down, which is… Zeus…

Now, Demeter arrived at Olympus and told Zeus a crime that their daughter was kidnapped by a stranger, taken underground, by probably Hades, their conversation went onto something like this…

  • Demeter: ZEUS! OUR DAUGHTER WAS KIDNAPPED! I asked Helios, it’s got to be Hades, she got taken to the underground! Who else could it be?
  • Zeus: Oh, err…
  • Zeus: Demeter, calm down a bit, I already gave Hades permission to kidnap and marry Persephone…
  • Demeter: … You gave Hades the permission to kidnap and marry MY daughter? OUT OF EVERY GOD OUT THERE!? YOU CHOSE HADES!?
  • Zeus: He’s a nice man, and he promised me he would be a good husband… so I helped him kidnap Persephone
  • Demeter: *SLAP* YOU HELPED HIM! Kidnap our… DAUGHTER?
  • Zeus: Yeah, I know you won’t let him, but it’s the father’s choice right? Who their daughter gets to marry?
  • Demeter: Very well… If that’s how it’s gonna be, then I will make mankind suffer… (Jaja here, because we did lot’s of wrong things right?) Until my daughter is returned to me, every single living thing in this earth will feel my pain! No Plant, or crop will grow until she is back here on Olympus with me!
  • Zeus: Now, now, no need to make the humans suffer…

Wow, talk about overkill… now we’ve reached the part where they’ve destroyed the world… cause we did wrong things right? Also, a bit of a soap opera don’t you think?

Step 4: Respond To Threats

All the other gods are like… Please No… but Demeter is still mad cause Hades and Zeus did things without her permission, and now, Demeter is pretty much in the mood to kill Hades, unfortunately that won’t work, cause he’s immortal, so Demeter decides to take her anger out on us Humans. So, hang on, there needs to be a solution, and Zeus decides to send Hades a message, via Olympus Express’s one and only courier, Hermes. The message went out onto something like this

Dear Hades,

I would like to apologize, and would like to request for you to return Persephone to her mother, Demeter, for she does not agree to let her daughter marry someone like you. The humans are in a famine and they are dying, for Demeter does not let any single crop to grow, and soon, this Global Cooling would reach a point where animals die of hunger, and then because of famine, the humans would soon be extinct, and thus, please, return Persephone to Demeter immediately, I’m certain a considerable amount of humans entering the underworld would make you much stressed in doing your job, so consider this a favor, because the first batch of humans have just died, but surely, you’d be the first to know.

Your Brother (and King), Zeus

Well, before Hermes flew away and delivered a couple of letters to Zeus’s girlfriends he cannot visit cause of the crisis, Hades told Hermes to stay put and wait for him to write and send this letter…

Dear Lord Zeus,

I wish you understand how happy I’m feeling with Persephone right now, for without her, I won’t be doing my job that well, and I also want you to imagine what it feels to be abandoned by your wife. It’s devastating isn’t it? Persephone hasn’t really responded to my proposal, but as soon as she eats some food, she’ll be bound to me, and at one point she will. If anyone tries to contest my soon-to-be marriage with Persephone, I promise you that the dead shall flood the mortal realm once more, and I am certain, when that happens, Demeter’s Famine will be a joke of a catastrophe.

Your Brother, Hades

YEAH! More threats! Now, Zeus has to choose between Dead People mixed with the living, causing a Zombie Apocalypse kinda thing happening, or no humans around to sacrifice to him. Gee what a dilemma.

Step 5: Get Married!

I’m not entirely sure that this set of events actually happened, but Hades seems like a guy capable of doing such trickery…

After the set of threats sent, Hades prepared a gift just for Persephone, after the gift was prepared, Hades sent a letter to Hermes, telling him to come back tomorrow to pick Persephone up, which might seem like a genuine act, but please, continue down below.

The very next day, Hades revealed the gift for Persephone, which was a garden of golden and silver trees, made by the undead soul of Greece’s best deceased gardener. On the trees, Hades prepped a special living tree he took a while ago, used to remind him of Persephone, that tree is Persephone’s favorite and sacred fruit, Pomegranates. Hades picked a pomegranate fruit and gave Persephone one of them… Which ended up with Persephone a flashback, and a rush of sensations of the life outside of the underworld flooding past her. She’s sad, and out of desperation, starvation, and just her love for it, she ate some of them. . . And according to politeness, she’s now bound to Hades.

Hermes arrived 1 minute early, not enough time for Persephone to finish even a half of the Pomegranate, Hermes seeing Persephone is eating a third of the Pomegranate, gave him a very important message to deliver to Zeus and Demeter, reporting the situation, that Persephone ate 1/3 of the pomegranate which belonged in the underworld.

Please Don’t Eat Underworld Food

Luckily, Hestia, an Olympian whose everyday job is to burn some fire onto the family hearth, gave a peaceful solution… Since Persephone only ate a third of the pomegranate, then there we have it! only a third of the year Persephone must stay with Hades, which on that 4 months, no crops will grow cause Demeter is sad, also known as winter, for Greek people. For the rest, Persephone is allowed to stay with Demeter, and crops will grow.

Hermes rushed faster than a speeding bullet and delivered this message to Hades, which is accepted by the 2, and then BAM! Problem solved! Hooray peace!

Also, originally, Hermes happened to come and pick Persephone out with Zeus’s warrant but as an accident, Persephone happened to eat Pomegranates out on that day. I don’t believe this version because there’s a very unlucky coincidence, and Zeus should fear Hades’s power to control the dead and respect his judgement.

Moral Of The Story

Don’t mess with moms, especially the daughter of overprotective ones, just don’t, 10/10

So, there’s this episode of Greek Mythology, and please wait for my next story!

Jaja’s Greek Mythology: Who Are The Olympians?

Jaja’s Greek Mythology: Who Are The Olympians?


Let me tell you something… Remember that after the war and all that business with the Titans whose names you might not remember, that the gods started getting married and stuff? Well this page functions to tell you which gods are the god of what, their domain, strengths and other stuff like that. These gods are Ranked from Most Powerful to the Less Strong gods. I will also tell you whether I like him or not…

Firstly, let me tell you that they are referred to as Olympians cause they live in Mount Olympus which I have mentioned in the last page, like we are, you know… Indonesians?

A Simple Guide To This Page:

  • Powers: These are the powers of the God/Goddess, most of them can shape-shift, and radiate power, but these are those that are exclusive to them
  • Domain: These are the areas they rule, or the subjects they do best on
  • Symbol: Their symbol… Basically if they bring a flag, this is the color or things they have in their flag
  • Sacred Animal: Animals that they see as an image of themselves…
  • Personality: This is for their personality, and how they behave
  • Known Relics/Weapons: This is usually the items they hold. This can be the weapon or relic of the said god
  • How Was He/She Born?: First thing that happens after they are born… May include how hard is it to give birth for them, and their parents
  • Official Spouse: Their official partner in “Till Death Do Us Part” But well, they cheat a lot, so there’s that
  • Daily Activities: Things they do in your average episode of Greek Mythology, which isn’t that average
  • One Sentence Philosophy: A joke I make regarding their personalities… If it’s funny leave a comment!
  • Do I Like Him/Her?: My thoughts on the god/goddess.. just a personal opinion

Zeus, The King Of The Universe

A statue of Zeus, complete with his Thunder Bolt
  • Powers: Lightning Bolts, Brewing Storms, and some more “Shocking” stuff, such as shape-shifting!
  • Domain: He is the God of The Sky, Thunderbolts, Storms, and he’s also King of Olympus.
  • Symbol: A Lightning Bolt
  • Sacred Animal: Eagles, cause those things fly on his domain
  • Personality: Stern, and Proud. You do not want to mess with his ego. Since he is king of the universe, he also has the right to kill you if he doesn’t like you, and no one can forbid you from doing that.
  • Known Relics/Weapons: Zeus’s Bolt, the Shield Aegis, but that’s… a bit tricky… refer to Athena down below.
  • How Was He Born?: OK, well read here first, you might want to refer to that
  • Official Spouse: Hera, Goddess Of Marriage… but he does cheat on her… a lot… Which is weird, since Hera is the Goddess Of Marriage, and is VERY loyal to Zeus…
  • Daily Activities:
    • He rules over mortals and gods with high expectations!
    • He also decides how law is supposed to be passed and stuff, since in Greece kings decide punishment, and who is guilty or innocent..
    • Oh, and he finds mortal women for him to date and cheat on his wife on…
    • Oh, and the cream of the crop… Punishing mortals for not much of a reason.
  • One Sentence Philosophy: It is A King’s Job To Make Sure To Rule Without Getting Distrac… OH LOOK! A PRETTY GIRL!
  • Do I Like Him?: NO! there is nothing awesome with a King who doesn’t do his job properly, In fact to make things worse, Zeus isn’t loyal at all to his wife, he doesn’t even have any swag to make up for that. Sure, he’s king… Is he smart? Not really… There you go… Is he powerful? Ok, yeah he is, but… quoting Spider-man, With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility, and Zeus has no responsibility, almost at all.

Poseidon, God Of The Sea

Poseidon, Holding His Trident
  • Powers: The ability to manipulate water, and create Earthquakes, also he can communicate with any sea life!
  • Domain: He’s The God Of the Sea
  • Symbol: The Trident
  • Sacred Animal: Horses! He made them
  • Personality: A Stern but Laid-back King. Oh and he also gets Saltier than the Sea Waters cause he rarely gets what he wants (apart from Women), problem is Poseidon wants too much… He seems to get jealous very easily.
  • Known Relics/Weapons: Poseidon’s Trident
  • How Was He Born?: He got eaten… but see Zeus
  • Official Spouse: Amphitrite, a Sea Nymph, but he also cheats on her…
  • Daily Activities:
    • Swimming around the ocean
    • Finding pretty mortals that walk near the sea
    • Commanding sea creatures to do as he pleases,
    • Trying his best to get what he wants.
    • Oh, and drowning people who forgot to sacrifice to him, tossing islands with Earthquakes each time he doesn’t get what he wants. (If you think a baby’s Tantrum is bad, you don’t know Poseidon’s tantrum…)
  • One Sentence Philosophy: I’m saltier than the sea
  • Do I Like Him?: Nah, he sucks, firstly, he has rage issues… and with his trident, he can toss islands and drown people when things don’t go his way, and secondly, with women, he’s probably cheated on his wife more than Zeus because at least Zeus’s wife is mad at him, and he has a week of redeeming himself and stuff, Amphitrite doesn’t get mad, so… err Poseidon can cheat on her without a single thought…

Hades, God Of The Dead

Hades With His Pet 3 Headed Dog
  • Powers: He rules the dead… There is a LOT of dead people.
  • Domain: He’s the God of The Dead, and God Of The Underworld
  • Symbol: Scepter
  • Sacred Animal: The Screech Owls cause… I got nothing… Maybe those are the scariest Owls
  • Personality: Bitter… He is an estranged person to the other gods, and he never gets any visits. He gets pretty bitter about it, and often times, he can’t really fuss about his luck, he just deals with it. At least he is grateful with what he has, unlike Zeus and Poseidon… also, By technicality, Hades isn’t an Olympian…
  • Known Relics/Weapons: Magneto’s Helmet… I mean… Helmet Of Darkness…
  • How Was He Born?: Same as Poseidon… He was born as a meal for his dad
  • Official Spouse: Persephone Goddess of Springtime… Oh, but he kidnapped her, and almost destroyed the entire population of mankind because of that… So there’s that… (but he doesn’t cheat on her that often, so that’s gratefulness for you!).
  • Daily Activities:
    • Watching dead people from his palace. ( Hades doesn’t really have too much activities, since most of his monster servants, or zombie servants do the job for him.)
    • He is rich, cause all the gold in the underground belongs to him, and he can hire anything he wants for free. If he is in the mood to have Piano Lessons? Bam! send Ghost Mozart to his palace!
    • So maybe… cause of the ever increasing population of the dead he gets richer every day, and access to less boring activities.
    • But probably he just stares at his monsters torturing the evil souls.
  • One Sentence Philosophy: I’m alive, but everything around me isn’t…
  • Do I Like Him?: Yeah I do… Despite all his weirdness, bitterness, and 1 star Reviews from people that visit the underworld and got out (Theseus and Hercules was some of them). He is a good guy… I mean, he doesn’t cheat on his wife (more than 2 times, later stories), and he hasn’t really punished a mortal for offending him, for lying to him? Sure! For cheating death? YEP, he does that. He’s a patient and grateful guy in a sense. (Okay, sure there is the kidnapping.. but hey, he’s lonely, cut him some slack)

Hera, Goddess Of Marriage

Hera, The Ancient Greece Equivalent Of Crazy Moms
  • Powers: Driving people crazy, making demigods suffer, shape-shifting, disguising herself (What’s the connection between this and marriage you might ask… I don’t know)
  • Domain: Marriage, Family Life, Motherhood, and most important of all… Making demigods and Zeus’s girlfriends suffer.
  • Symbol: A Peacock Feather
  • Sacred Animal: Cows, cause those things are motherly… I don’t really get this though, but if she insists, I wont cross her…
  • Personality: Firstly Hera has a HECK of an attitude. She basically has every possible method of making people annoyed, or sick of her. Also, when she gets offended, she’ll possibly find the worst indirect way of making you suffer (reminds me of some women in a bad mood). Hera does things pretty indirectly, but she is sneaky, and has lots of tricks to make someone suffer. Oh, and she is also a perfectionist.
  • Known Relics/Weapons: I’m not sure, Hera doesn’t have any cool weapons that I know of.
  • How Was She Born?:
    Unlike Hades and Poseidon and Zeus, there are some unmentioned things regarding this. Firstly, before she claimed her throne, she was sent to live with Uncle Oceanus by mother Rhea. Hera respected Oceanus not swaying to any women and pretty sea nymphs, and she felt she wants to have a husband that is just as loyal as Oceanus is to his wife. Hera decided she wants to claim her throne in Mount Olympus as the Goddess Of Marriage.
  • Official Spouse: Zeus…
  • Daily Activities:
    • Making Demigod sons of Zeus suffer
    • Finding Zeus’s latest girlfriends, and making sure they are in pain
    • Keeping the Olympian family intact by trying to resolve conflict.
    • You know, just your typical Goddess of Family life activities, making sure everyone in her family is perfect, and dumping those that aren’t
    • Oh and also, she does one thing right… she blesses newlyweds.
  • One Sentence Philosophy: So, that’s 1000 girlfriends of Zeus out of the way… 1000 to go!
  • Do I Like Her?: NOPE NOPE NOPE! She’s a perfectionist, and I already dislike women with too much of a temper, but really? Hera’s problem isn’t just her temper, but also her method of doing things, and as you might see below, those methods are totally not cool!

Demeter, Goddess of Agriculture

Demeter With This Month’s Harvest…
  • Powers: Making crops grow, or wither.
  • Domain: Plants, Growth, and Agriculture in general
  • Symbol: A Scythe, but the farming one… not the killing one
  • Sacred Animal: She doesn’t have one…
  • Personality: She’s pretty calm. She is overprotective of her daughter, Persephone, well even though she got kidnapped. She has some tantrum issues, and is very dangerous when mad. Demeter is a girl that’s well, she is in the middle, she’s not too scary like Hera, she’s not too calm either though. She enjoys nature, and plants as well. Although… She has her issues, such as her being overprotective, and some temper, but overall she’s a pretty good mom, sister, and Olympian.
  • Known Relics/Weapons: Her farming scythe
  • How Was She Born?: As a meal for Kronos
  • Official Spouse: She isn’t married to anyone, but she has some short relationships with a few mortals.
  • Daily Activities:
    • Making crops grow, giving humans food
    • Chilling by the fields, watching, and smelling plants
    • Teaching farming techniques to humans who sacrifice to her
    • Well, that one time her daughter got kidnapped, she made plants wither, and made sure no human gets to eat… Because that’s the less calm Demeter
  • One Sentence Philosophy: My daughter got kidnapped! NOBODY GETS TO EAT!
  • Do I Like Her? Hmm… I’ll stay neutral, for several reasons… One being her letting personal emotions cloud her judgement, but she’s also an overall peaceful and kind goddess, with not much wrong things for her to do. She just wants to protect all of her daughters.

Ares, God Of War

Ares, Ready for War!
  • Powers: His eyes infuriate anyone who stare onto them, He has strength and combat skills beyond compare.
  • Domain: He’s the God of War! and more stuff involving war.
  • Symbol: War Helmet, and Wild Boar
  • Sacred Animal: Wild Boar, cause those things rage without any reason… Like him!
  • Personality: He has anger issues, so… he kills people, and has an addiction to Warfare… He’s dumb in a sense… He kills people instead of talking to them, that’s a… straightforward method. He’s your typical brute. Oh, and remember Wonder Woman’s Ares? Yeah, Greek Mythology Ares isn’t as smart as that Ares. At least Wonder Woman Ares used wits… Real Ares probably won’t understand what “wits” mean.
  • Known Relics/Weapons: His Sword, His fire breathing horses (Bubi fears regular horses, and trust me, she’ll fear that more), His battle armor.
  • How Was He Born?: He was born to Hera and Zeus… As a baby, Ares broke his Father’s finger, so he got sent to a Mountain Nymph that ended up taking care of him. As a child… He learned to fight and nearly killed people… a lot of times. See, this is why you shouldn’t let Nanny’s parent your child… They’ll be like Ares!
  • Official Spouse: He doesn’t marry anyone but has lots of girlfriends. The most notable one is Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love.
  • Daily Activities:
    • Starting wars by staring at people
    • Fighting in those wars, while killing people…
    • He also spends time hurting people for no reason, especially those that offend him.
    • He also blesses people he likes with something called the Blessing Of Ares (again, the Greeks aren’t the most creative with names). Anyone blessed by him becomes invulnerable in combat.
  • One Sentence Philosophy: You think someone like Ares would have a philosophy? Nah… He’s a direct approach guy… “STAB! STAB! STAB!”.. Results are earned much faster
  • Do I Like Him?: NO! ! What do you think I am? I’m a thinker… Although he is cool and bad-ass, his coolness doesn’t beat out the fact he doesn’t think things through.

Athena, Goddess Of Wisdom

Athena, Complete With Battle Armor
  • Powers: The wisdom of ten thousand scholars, Unparalleled Strategies in the Art of War, enough to make Sun Tzu jealous.
  • Domain: She’s the Goddess of Warfare, (but the wise and strategy type, not the Ares kind.) Craft, and Wisdom
  • Symbol: Olive Trees, cause she made them…
  • Sacred Animal: Owls, cause the Greeks believe that Owls are the most wise animals, and their hoot-hoot sound at night are whispers of knowledge… OK… I won’t argue with that
  • Personality: She’s smart, but if you refer to some stories about Medusa, and Arachne, she doesn’t really use wisdom like her tagline states. She tries to use wisdom most of the times, but when I look at some things, she lets her personal emotions cloud her judgement that is supposed to have wisdom.
  • Known Relics/Weapons: Her Shield, Aegis. That shield also has Medusa’s head put in front of it, and if you know a bit about Medusa, staring onto Medusa’s eyes will turn you to stone.
  • How Was She Born?:
    This is a bit tricky… Remember Metis? No? Well, She’s the Titan Of Pure Thought, and natural law, Kronos’s sister… Anyways, Zeus married Metis before he married Hera, and Athena was born from those 2… BUT WAIT! See, A prophecy stated that Metis’s children will be wiser than his father, Zeus felt contested, so he swallowed Metis… (hang on, with Zeus’s wisdom any child will be wiser than him)But unfortunately for Zeus, Metis was already carrying Athena, and once born inside Zeus’s stomach, Athena dissolved herself onto pure thought… I don’t know how, she just did… She then got onto Zeus’s head, and gave Zeus a headache. The other gods wondered how it happened, so Hephaestus, The Blacksmith God broke open Zeus’s head, and BAM! Athena came out with full battle armor, as an adult.
  • Official Spouse: She’s an eternal maiden, she doesn’t plan on marrying or dating anyone, although there is that one time she has a son, but that’s err… tricky… so other times…
  • Daily Activities: I’m not sure about this, but if you read a lot about Athena, she enjoys…
    • Inventing new techniques to improve mankind. S
    • She also likes learning new things, and practicing her combat skills… Much better… unlike her brother Ares…
  • One Sentence Philosophy: I will use wisdom to judge everything… Unless if it’s personal!
  • Do I Like Her?: Hmm… I don’t like everything she does, because I still think that punishing people for bragging (Arachne) or punishing an innocent woman that is tricked by a god (Medusa) is definitely over the line. She should’ve been wise enough to not let her personal thoughts cloud her wisdom. On the other hand, she’s a very useful goddess for the development of humans in Greek mythology… So, I’ll stay neutral for her..

Aphrodite, Goddess Of Love

Aphrodite… Admiring Herself
  • Powers: She can make people fall in love with anyone… Anyone who looks at her will see the most beautiful woman in their imagination, literally.
  • Domain: Love, Beauty, and everything related to either one of those, except Marriage, that’s Hera’s domain.
  • Symbol: Doves, the Greeks believe of doves as messengers of love.
  • Sacred Animal: Doves, oh what a surprise, since her symbol is also that…
  • Personality: She’s… Insecure… No joke… She fears that one day someone will be prettier than her, and she often finds other men to comfort her. Good-looking men, since her husband is ugly. She gets jealous pretty quickly, and she often compares herself to other women. If even the Goddess of Beauty and Love can be insecure about some things, then… listen to that song… “Cause you are beautiful… No matter what they say, words can’t bring you down!” (or something like that.) Anyways, she also enjoys attention a lot, and enjoys making mortals suffer with her love magic… She thinks it’s funny…
  • Known Relics/Weapons: A magical Girdle (or belt), that makes people fall in love with her in an instant.
  • How Was She Born?: Remember Ouranos? If you don’t read this… yeah she’s born from some of Ouranos’s body parts and seafoam. When she got to land, she met the three goddesses that each represent the seasons, except Winter. They dressed her up, and took her to Olympus, and all of the male gods wanted to marry her in an instant cause she’s pretty. Those male gods, poor them. Oh, but Hera gave Aphrodite the worst looking god of them all, Hephaestus to marry Aphrodite. Cause if a handsome god like Zeus, Poseidon, or Ares marries her, they’d probably fight 24/7, and the earth is a battle field. Aphrodite has that effect on people…
  • Official Spouse: Hephaestus. But! She has no kids with him, and lots of kids with lots of other men, and the gods… Ares, Hermes, and Dionysus… Poor Hephaestus…
  • Daily Activities:
    • Staring at herself in a mirror…
    • Putting make up on…
    • Making mortals (and gods) fall in love with each other.
    • Although, she has a son named Eros (or you might know the Roman Name: Cupid better), to do the third part of her job when she is too busy staring at herself and wearing makeup.
    • Oh, she also enjoys getting prayers and sacrifices by making people fall in love with people that barely notice you. Blame her if you are still single!
  • One Sentence Philosophy: I’m the prettiest… RIGHT?
  • Do I Like Her?: Nope… She’s pretty, but look at that personality, and daily activities… Should be enough to give you an image of what she does, and well… No reason to like her.

Apollo, God Of Music

Apollo Striking A Pose
  • Powers: His voice is mesmerizing, His ability and wordplay is godly (of course, he’s a god), His ability to play music instruments are incomparable, and… well… just read the domain part cause this is going to be tricky, he’s the god of a gazillion things.
  • Domain: OK… Apollo is the God of… Music, Archery, Poetry, Prophecies, Art, Medicine, Plagues, The Sun, Protector Of Young Men, Cattle herding, and Anything Artistic.
  • Symbol: The Lyre, The Sun.
  • Sacred Animal: Hang on, he doesn’t have any… but He has a sacred plant known as the Laurel. Used for Wreaths, as a symbol for kings to show their glory, he’s got taste!
  • Personality: He… is a narcissistic person in a sense. He thinks he’s basically the most awesome guy that’s a symbol of perfection. But hang on, he isn’t entirely narcissistic. Apollo like I said, also has taste, he chooses the most artistic and graceful things for him to be interested on, which yes, includes Women. Apollo shows as much gracefulness and flair as he can. I don’t see much bad personalities from Apollo apart from the slight narcissism, and his ego. Well, his ego isn’t as high as Zeus, but i can assure you, he’s got LOADS of Ego. Oh and one more thing… Apollo craves to be in the spotlight. He’ll do whatever it takes to be the center of attention. Luckily he’s got lots of tools to accomplish that.
  • Known Relics/Weapons: The Sun Chariot, in which he rides the sun on, His Lyre, and The Most Important Thing… His Golden Bow!
  • How Was He Born?:
    OK… Firstly, remember Zeus’s habit of dating girls and leaving them? Well, Apollo’s dad is Zeus, and his mom? A titan named Leto, who is the Titan of motherhood. But hang on… Apollo’s birth is all forms of tragedy. Firstly, remember Hera? What’s her daily job? Oh yes, making any offspring and girlfriends of Zeus suffer. She hates Leto too much, because Leto is pregnant with twins… Hera’s curse to Leto is that Leto cannot give birth on any land with roots, which is every land… (well almost every land)The curse isn’t over yet, cause Hera must be in a VERY bad mood (those moms, their mood when it’s bad is SCARY)… Hera summoned a giant serpent called Python to make Leto’s life 10 times more miserable. So, when Leto was in labor at the 7th month of pregnancy, no land would accept her because of Hera’s curse. And oh look! A giant serpent is chasing her!Okay, so she ran around Greece with a giant snake on her tail, while in labor, and isn’t allowed to give birth. Wow, I totally respect her. So where did she give birth? Well luckily there is an island that has no roots, but is drifting around and has no solid location. You know, like Jules Verne’s Mysterious Island! So she swum there, and gave birth there, causing roots to grow there, (cause Greek Mythology demands such logic), and giving the island now known as Delos, a firm and solid location on the map

    .Apollo’s birth actually came second to his twin sister, but, he took the spotlight in an instant. He grew up immediately to the size of a 7 year old, and he sang a song that impressed every goddess that assisted Apollo’s birth, which is basically every goddess, except Hera. When he was 1 week old, he already grew up to the age of 19, cause he’s a god, he could do that… He slayed the snake Python with his golden bow, he used Python’s body, dumped it onto a cave, that created fumes used to “hear the words of the gods” in the center of Greece and called it the main source of prophecies in all of Greece! There’s Apollo’s story, so wait for his sister’s turn.

  • Official Spouse: He plans on staying a bachelor forever, and he wants to date around as much as he can, try out as many girls he can date. (Reminds me of John Mayer). His most memorable girlfriends are the 9 Muses. Those are the incredibly beautiful goddesses who create any forms of art.
  • Daily Activities: Well, Apollo has a bunch of jobs. But, his main activities include:
    • Driving the sun chariot, from 5A.M. to 6 P.M. when the sun rises or sets, while singing or writing a song I suppose.
    • Making poetry in his free time
    • Trying out prophecies to mess around someone’s life with a stupid ques
    • Getting girls. (He is a total womanizer), Teenagers nowadays will probably put him as an Ancient Greece equivalent to any One Direction member. That reminds me, if I make a band, I’ll call it the Sons Of Apollo
    • When Helios is taking his job driving the sun chariot (the Greeks got confused between the two being Sun Gods), he probably spends his time making Apollo concerts, playing with his bow and arrow, and probably inventing new medicine.
  • One Sentence Philosophy: The sun literally rises and sets on me!
  • Do I Like Him?: Hmm… Yeah I do! Of course, firstly, as a music fan myself, having a god of Music is just awesome. Apollo is also pretty cool, and like him, I like being in the spotlight! The things I don’t like about him is his narcissism but well, it’s not that bad actually.

Artemis, Goddess Of The Hunt

Artemis, With Her Pet and Bow
  • Powers: OK, she’s got Archery and hunting skills beyond compare. She also has the ability to communicate and summon wildlife.
  • Domain: Hunting, Wildlife, Archery, (She’s better than Apollo), Protection of Women, and The Moon
  • Symbol: The Crescent Moon
  • Sacred Animal: Deer, cause those things are free to roam, like her!
  • Personality: So… Artemis HATES men. Why? I’ll state below, be patient, but her personality generally revolves on her need to defend women, and protecting wildlife. She’s motherly, but she doesn’t want to be a mother. She’s also probably the first ever feminist, and she fights for women rights. Like I stated above, she also doesn’t want to be “chained down” She dislikes the concept of marriage cause of how terrible men treats women back in Ancient Greece.
  • Known Relics/Weapons: Her Silver Bow. Shaped like the crescent moon
  • How Was She Born?:
    See Apollo. But hold on! Before Apollo was born, she was born first, grew immediately to a 6 year old girl, and she helped with Apollo’s birth. After that, she wasted no time watching Apollo’s performance, because she probably got sick of it, Apollo probably spends his time in the womb singing and bragging about himself. That can really get to someone if you’re stuck together nonstop with a flashy, bragging god for 7 months straight.She instead flew to Zeus with Auntie Hestia, asked for some gifts, and permission to never get married. Her gifts are the fact she wants female followers around ages of 6-15, that are still Maidens, and she wanted them to be off limits for mortals and gods. She will teach them to hunt, and called them “The Hunters Of Artemis” Oh and she wants Hunting dogs too. Zeus grants it, cause, rich people loves to make Daddy’s Little Girl(s) happy.
  • Official Spouse: She doesn’t want to get married, or date anyone
  • Daily Activities:
    • She hunts down monsters that no heroes are taking care of, cause Apollo hasn’t prophecized about them being slain by heroes. (way to take care of your brothers mistakes).
    • She protects women, and helps with birth for women around Greece.
    • Oh, and probably she also does demonstrations about women rights like Laborers do when they feel they aren’t paid enough. (Oh wait, this is a different century)
    • Artemis also punishes people who doesn’t care about the environment, and anyone who hunts too much without a single sacrifice? Oh… She’ll destroy you… trust me on that. She once sent a HUGE WILD BOAR to a kingdom for hunting too much without any sacrifices to her. Don’t mess with Artemis, unless you want your family to Arte-miss you (I had to make that pun… sorry)
  • One Sentence Philosophy: Men Are Stupid Brutes!
  • Do I Like Her?: Hmm, I do like her taking care of the environment and fighting for women rights. I don’t like her that much though. She’s pretty cool, and trust me, she is among the nicer gods, and well I haven’t seen her do much things wrong cause of her personal ego. I can’t blame her too much actually for the hate for men, cause look at how much of a jerk the other male gods are.

Hephaestus, The Blacksmith God

Hephaestus, He Doesn’t Seem So Ugly To Me…
  • Powers: The ability to create fire, and immunity to it. Hephaestus also forges the best weapons, shields, jewelries and armors in all of Greece.
  • Domain: He’s the god of Fire, and blacksmithing.
  • Symbol: Hammer, cause he uses them for work.
  • Sacred Animal: Donkeys, cause… well, he’s crippled, but strong. Same goes for Donkeys, donkeys seem to be “crippled”, and clumsy, but they are strong, and still has some uses. Well, I’m clumsy too! (I don’t know about strong, but clumsy? sure)
  • Personality: Well, firstly you might want to read the “How was he born part”, because his personality generally revolves on it, and since I’m following a template and wants to be consistent in the template, I can’t do that. Firstly, Hephaestus is bitter, but his bitter isn’t like Hades’s. Hephaestus feels he just never gets respect. People judge the way he looks much than his gifts. Anyways, Hephaestus also cannot trust anything… He keeps getting betrayed over and over and over since he was born. He is also a hard working man, and he enjoys work, because at least if he is forging things, he can forget the bad things that has happened to him. Luckily he is overall  a nice guy.
  • Known Relics/Weapons: Every single armor every Greek hero has, cause he makes all of the armor for the popular heroes like Hercules, Theseus, Perseus, and Jason. And of course, his Hammer
  • How Was He Born?:
    Hephaestus literally has no daddy. Unlike Theseus who has 2, Hephaestus was born from Hera’s hate to Zeus’s infidelity, which explains his personality in a sense. Because of science, Hephaestus came out being incomplete and err… “Facially Challenged” (OK, ugly…). So, Hera instead of being a proper mother, demonstrated a method of proper throwing.Hera tossed Hephaestus off onto the sea from Mount Olympus, because that’s the way the Goddess of Family life should behave, which at least makes me grateful with Bubi, even though she is moody and can be dangerous in a bad mood, at least she doesn’t toss babies away… Then again, I’m telling stories of a different milLuckily, Hephaestus was caught by a sea nymph named Thetis, however the fall made his incomplete body much more broken, as it crippled one of his legs. As a child, Hephaestus used the undersea volcanoes and used them to forge jewelries for Thetis, and planned his revenge for Hera. That’s a lot of thoughts for a teenager. Thank you world for giving me a low stress life!I could make a bit of a long story here since the childhood part here is until they take their thrones atop Mount Olympus, unfortunately Hephaestus was an adult when that happened. But this is a fun story, and it made Hera suffer which is a nice plot twist for a change, Goddess of making people suffer finally suffers.

    Hephaestus made a special throne of Gold and Jewels for Hera, and when he returned, he gifted her the throne to symbolize him claiming his throne at mount Olympus. Unfortunately, the throne was a trap, and Hera became trapped in it. For a pretty long time Hera whimpered while netted in the throne, and Hephaestus enjoyed his vengeance. Well, until Dionysus, the god of wine convinced him to release Hera. Which was the end of her suffering. Too bad…

  • Official Spouse: Aphrodite, but he gets cheated on a lot, and so does he cheat her, but who cares about these 2.
  • Daily Activities: Working… Pretty much that… He’s a workaholic, spending time making lots of stuffs, like Swords, shields, armor, bows, arrows, thrones, Automatons (also known as Magical Robots), and anything made out of steel that he wants to make.
  • One Sentence Philosophy: I have friends! They’re these robots!
  • Do I Like Him?: Yeah I do, of course, anyone capable of making Hera beg for mercy is okay in my book, but not only that. Hephaestus gets betrayed so often, but he just gets on with it, I mean, he’s probably that character in Greek Mythology that gets the most challenges his entire life, excluding Hercules. He’s a strong willed man, which I totally respect.

Hermes, God Of Messengers

Hermes, Complete With Every One Of His Weapons
  • Powers: He is faster than Sonic! He is also probably Greek’s best trickster. Some poets say he can “outrun time” which according to physics! to travel to the past. But if that is true, than we have ourselves Greek Flash!
  • Domain: Anything involving trickery, (which includes stealing, and bandits), and anything involving travel, (which unfortunately, includes commercials… so now you know who to blame with that catchy commercials sounding over your head). Oh, and also dice… how did he become god of dice? err.. I have no idea.
  • Symbol: His Staff, The Caduceus, see relics and weapons
  • Sacred Animal: Turtle… WHY!? I honestly don’t understand… Hermes isn’t someone to take a deep breath and rest. If it’s a rabbit I’d understand, but turtle!? Eh… read below.
  • Personality: He’s a bit tricky and does things fast. But, he still likes taking time to plan things, and the only reason he does things fast is cause of how busy he is. He also has lots of tricks up his sleeve to get the better end of any bargain, and he is a heck of a liar. Every trick in the book? Hermes wrote that. He is sneaky in a sense, but he’s a good guy. Kinda… I’m not sure. He’s all sorts of confusing.
  • Known Relics/Weapons: The Caduceus staff, a herald’s staff with 2 snakes around it. His winged sandals, and a sword. Oh, his Caduceus staff can also be used to hypnotize people…
  • How Was He Born?:
    OK… So, he’s a son of Zeus, WOW! what a surprise! His mom was Maia, Titan of… one of Atlas’s daughters. She’s possibly Zeus’s typical girlfriend. Pretty, without much of personality. Anyways, Maia gave birth to Hermes with a low profile. She gave birth in a cave at nighttime to hide from Hera, cause she learned pretty well after Leto’s incident. After Hermes was born, Maia nursed him and made sure baby Hermes fell asleep. After he fell asleep, Maia fell asleep too.Hermes woke up the second his mom fell asleep, and for some reason, chose to not grow up cause he wants to be a baby thief. Wait? first thing he did after he was born was steal? Yeah, kinda odd, but okay… Anyways, remember that Apollo was also the God of Cattle herding? Hermes knew about that, and he wants some cows! So, he found where it was hidden, and stole 50 of em. He also made a bunch of fake footsteps so people who saw them would think the Cows walked from the beach and just followed the footsteps of a baby. Hermes ate 1 of them, and sacrificed one for the gods.Then… Hermes did whatever anyone who commited a crime to Apollo should do! Invent a new instrument! He killed a turtle, used it’s shell and used some of the leftover muscles of the cows and invented the first ever Lyre, Apollo’s favorite instrument (as of now, back then it was just invented)!Hermes hid the cows in a different cave and went back to his mommy, before she woke up. Anyways, Apollo woke up the next morning and counted his cattle, and BAM! 50 were missing. Apollo checked the footprints, and saw baby steps and cows following them. Apollo wondered what kind of a baby could possibly do this. Since Baby Apollo sang after he was born in an instant, and Baby Ares broke Zeus’s finger, so Baby gods should be capable of these stuffs. So, he kinda asked for some news about the latest baby god births. Well, Apollo found out about Maia giving birth to Hermes. He found him, and asked him about the cows. Well, he lied, but Apollo felt convinced he stole the cows… I don’t really know why…

    He took Hermes to his (and Hermes’s) father, Zeus for some punishments. Apollo demanded that Hermes must be punished for stealing his cattle. Well, anyways, Zeus said Hermes must pay any price Apollo demands, cause he’s probably too lazy to choose a real punishment. Well, here is where the Lyre comes in! He played the Lyre, caused Apollo to fall in love with it, and traded out Apollo’s cattle for it. Also, since he is a god on bargaining stuff, he got every single one of his relics stated above as a bonus! Wow, Hermes, nice manipulation of one’s personality! Oh, and one more thing… Remember kids, don’t steal!

  • Official Spouse: He isn’t married to anyone… but he does date lots of people. So, single people that are busy, even Hermes can find his love life, with his insanely busy schedule. Don’t use work as an excuse! 😀
  • Daily Activities: Oh boy… Okay, so here are Hermes’s activities
    • Delivering Zeus’s packages as his personal courier using Hermes Express, Olympus’s very own courier and delivery system! If you believe the fact Hermes can outrun time, he must deliver these stuff faster than you ordered them.
    • Guiding souls to the underworld using Underworld Touring cause Hades can’t do that
    • Doing Zeus’s stealing and dirty work, I guess that’s his favorite part of the job
    • Helping quests for some heroes by delivering them relics for their adventures and quests
    • Probably running an online E-Commerce known as Olympedia, with the Caduceus staff as a mascot!
  • One Sentence Philosophy: Hermes Express! Receive Today, What You Order Tomorrow!
  • Do I Like Him?: Hmm…. I can’t say why, but I’ve always liked Hermes when I look at him, and his statues. Plus, he’s basically the Greek God equivalent of The Flash, my favorite Superhero, so why not?

Dionysus, God Of Wine

Dionysus, Probably Posing For A Party
  • Powers: Growing grapes, making wine, creating food, and making people insane…
  • Domain: Wine, Theater, Partying, Revelry
  • Symbol: Thrysus, a staff with a pine cone on top.
  • Sacred Animal: Leopard, he likes them cause he thinks those are graceful, I guess… Anyways, Dionysus began the trend of wearing a leopard skin coat.
  • Personality: He… Gets drunk and doesn’t even give a care about the world when he is performing his “rituals”. He also enjoys art, and doesn’t care a bit about work, he’s that guy who says, Drink! BE MERRY! Tomorrow You May DIE! So Enjoy LIFE! He doesn’t care about being busy, as he basically “buys” (read: creates) the food of his followers, and as long as you worship him, you’ll get fed. On that note, I’d probably say that Dionysus is the equivalent of Apollo that gets drunk, and doesn’t work as hard as Apollo.
  • Known Relics/Weapons: Thrysus, like his symbol
  • How Was He Born?:
    Ok this is a bit tricky. Zeus is his dad, (like every Olympian who isn’t one of his siblings) and Dionysus was born a demigod, but became a god eventually, anyways… Zeus dated a girl in Thebes known as Semele, who was basically the prettiest princess of her generation. Cause Zeus’s taste is pretty easy to guess… Pretty! Semele was pregnant with Zeus’s baby (who became Dionysus)Hera visited Thebes and convinced Semele to force Zeus into showing him his true form… Which literally burns mortals. Zeus did it because he already swore on the River Styx (which is an oath you CANNOT break, unless you want the spirit of hate, to hate you…). So Semele is now burned, but the baby? Survived! Hanging in midair cause… Greek Logic… Zeus cut open his thigh and put the baby there to grow, giving the baby a temporal womb.Once born, Zeus cut open his thigh, and gave the baby to Hermes, naming him Bacchus for now (which is Dionysus’s Roman name too!), and told Hermes to give the baby to Semele’s older sister, and forcing her to treat Bacchus as his own son.Bacchus’s childhood is a LONG story, because Hermes came up with a few tricks for Semele’s sister to take care of him without having Hera catching them. Anyways, after Hera found out about the baby Bacchus, when Bacchus was 8, she drove Semele’s sister and husband to madness, causing them to leap off a cliff, while carrying their actual children. Cause Hera just gives a great example of family life and showing love right?

    This can go on and on and on, because he gained the title Dionysus as a child, and invented wine as a child too, but I’ll cut it here.

  • Official Spouse: Ariadne… Read Theseus’s story, cause he saved Ariadne, and made her his immortal wife.
  • Daily Activities: PARTY!
  • One Sentence Philosophy: What’s Work?
  • Do I Like Him?: NOPE NOPE NOPE!!! There is nothing to like about a god who spends his time being drunk, and partying… “But Azriel…” Shush! I don’t want to hear anything about supporting Dionysus! NA AH

Jaja’s Greek Mythology – The Beginning, Part 1

Jaja’s Greek Mythology – The Beginning, Part 1

I’ve recently taken more interest in Greek Mythology (I have been interested at it for a long time, but more recently), and decided to write them up using my version, and my own words. Jaja’s Greek Mythology is a series where I tell stories about a certain hero, god, or goddess. I will try to post a mythological figure every 2 weeks. For now, let’s take a step back, and start at the beginning.

I won’t post events based on the timeline, but I would at least describe how myths begin and end. I’ve done the Theseus story and the world was definitely created by then.

DISCLAIMER: What You May Read Down Below May Be Violent, I Don’t Recommend Using This As A Bedtime Story, Unless You Want Your Child To Have Nightmares.

In most cultures, par the Greeks, earth was created by the gods, on Greek Mythology, the Earth, and Sky created the gods… Well, sort of gods, I would not necessarily call them gods, but as for now, let’s just look at what the Greeks thought of until the “Big Bang” happened.

Everything was an empty void, Chaos was all that loomed, and well the name of the void is literally Chaos. Was it Chaotic back then? Nope, everything is literally what you would feel when you close your eyes, and wear an earplug. Nothing. But well, apparently “Nothing” has a consciousness, and Mr. (or Mrs.) Nothing here thought that: “Man… an empty Void is BORING”, which is what you feel if you are closing your eyes, lying down, and wearing earplugs. Heck, I’m not even sure I would have lasted 3 minutes with Nothing but Chaos, and boredom.

So Chaos willed Gaia to exist. What is Gaia you might ask? You’re standing on it right now, unless you’re on a plane, that is. Gaia is Mother Earth. She isn’t a Mom yet, but well she is female. I’m thinking of something simple here, If Chaos got bored, out of 2 options of gender, Chaos chose a girl, which is the gender of making things complex until you can’t even understand it anymore. Maybe Chaos hasn’t thought that through too much.

Gaia has the ability to project her consciousness onto the form of a woman. Anywhere the earth is, she can appear there. But, well, eventually it got boring. Gaia stared onto emptiness and apart from the Earth? Everything is still a Void, so if you stared from a mountain, what you saw was blackness, and nothing else. You guessed it… BORING.

So, Gaia willed for something else to be a boundary between the Void and Earth. She formed a sky, who is the first male. The sky was named Ouranos, which by the way, is Greek for Uranus. Now you know the origin name of Uranus, bonus points! Ouranos could also deploy his consciousness onto the Earth, and gave Gaia someone to talk with. Gaia also created a Dark Pit, called Tartarus, who is also a Male personification, inside of the Earth. Tartarus was a part of the underworld, and is only a 9 day fall away from the Earth, just find a hole to Tartarus, leap onto it, and BAM, you’ll be at Tartarus 9 days later, and you thought Bekasi was far away…

For Now, Both Chaos and Gaia has Created 5 things.

The Sea, with Pontus as the personification, The Underworld, called Erebos, The Dark Pit, known as Tartarus, which is basically the Underworld, but way deeper than that, The Sky, personified as Ouranos, and Definitely, Gaia, as The Earth.

Pontus, Appearing Physically
The Underworld, Currently Still Empty
The Deepest Depths Of The Underworld, Tartarus, A Prison For Monsters

(Note that Humans are not sent to Tartarus, but it’s pretty hard finding a picture of hell that isn’t for humans, and that was the best one I found)


Ouranos visited Gaia a lot of times since they should be very bored with their task of keeping the Earth and Sky alive, most of the things that you could see back then, were already a part of their bodies.

They eventually fell in love with each other and had a first batch of children that was new creatures, that well, these creatures were not like them. They are not personifications of something else. They are large giants, called The Titans and they were the first the first gods.

Their names… You don’t have to memorize them, they’ll only be a part of this story, and well a bit more on the next ones, but they aren’t as commonly retold like the Greek gods we know of. Okay, but for the male ones, their names are: Oceanus, Krios, Koios, Iapetus, Hyperion, and Kronos. The girls’ names: Phoebe, Themis, Theia, Tethys, Rhea, and Mnemosyne.

Ouranos Standing Near Gaia And Their Cute Baby Titans.

Good luck pronouncing those names, by the way.

Anyways, Ouranos didn’t really care about his kids, and didn’t even visit Gaia that often, maybe he isn’t the Daddy type. As for Gaia, she really loves her kids, and every time Ouranos visited, Gaia reported she has new children.

The second batch of children are triplets with one eye, and are as large as the Titans. They are known as the Elder Cyclopes, opposed to the regular Cyclopes, they are immortal. Yeah, that’s all I found, they were the first Cyclopes to ever roam the Earth. Their names are Brontes, Steropes, and Arges.

A Cyclops, They’re Giants With 1 Eye

They were UGLY, only a mother could love them. I meant that literally. Ouranos maybe thinks “They can’t be my sons! They are ugly, I’m the sky, of course I’m handsome”. So, he proved and showed Gaia he literally is not the Daddy type, and Ouranos threw all of those poor one eyed men onto Tartarus, so he never has to see them ever again.

Gaia was devastated, she was a very motherly being, but well, she still gave Ouranos a chance. She gave Ouranos one more date, maybe he’s changed. Who knows?

Well Homer (the writer, not the yellow one) must’ve known.

Gaia gave birth to the Hecanto… Wait, I don’t know how to spell this, I’m googling first . . . Hecatoncheires. To put it simple, imagine a gigantic man, with 100 arms, and 50 heads. They are known as The Hundred Handed Ones, and I recommend calling them that instead, as it is easier to say, and makes it easier for me to spellcheck :D. Take a guess. . . If Ouranos cast away people with a Large Eye on the center, what would he do to something 100 times more gross than that? Since Murder hasn’t been invented yet, he cast away the Hundred Handed Ones to Tartarus. Their Names: Cottus, Briares, and Gyges. Much easier to pronounce than the Titans.

A Hecatoncheires, Ew

Gaia got fed up of Ouranos’ definition on parenting. So, she asked all of his kids to do something. Kronos, the youngest of the 12 came out with an idea. Now, Kronos when compared to his brother’s, he doesn’t really excel at anything. But Kronos is the Cruelest, most Crooked, Titan.

Now, imagine what would a guy like Kronos do? Well, he suggest that his brothers catch his father, stretch his arms. . . And, he would do his part… Okay, Kronos is known as “The Crooked One”, not long after this and I did recommend you to not read this as a bedtime story. Oceanus wants nothing to do with this, he just played and met with his uncle Pontus, because he loved the oceans and waters.

Kronos promised the 4 of his brothers that he would split the earth, and give each of them their own territory if they agreed, so they did. Kronos is good at getting those business deals.

So, Gaia invited Ouranos for one more night, and she wore the most beautiful dress made out of tree barks, and jewels she found inside the Earth. Ouranos was astounded when she met Gaia, but he was surprised. His 4 sons caught him and pushed him down on the ground stretching his arms.

Kronos already prepared a special weapon for this occasion, he invented a Scythe, you know, those things that the Grim Reaper carries. Before he cut up his father, Ouranos cursed Kronos, he said that “One Day, You Will Suffer The Same Fate As I Do, Your Throne Will Be Taken By One Of Your Children!”. Kronos did not really care about it at the moment, he just enjoyed cutting up his father, until he lost his consciousness, and the sky lost its personification. He threw what was left of his father onto the ocean, and from seafoam, and his body parts, a goddess was born. She would be rather intrigung, but I do not like her personality, so maybe we’ll postpone her.

Now you might be thinking, THE SKY IS DEAD? WHAT THE HECK IS UP THERE THEN? Okay, Ouranos is technically immortal, but he can’t maintain any more consciousness, or a physical form, it probably takes him all of what’s left of his might to keep the sky up and running. He might be able to appear in physical form, if he wants the sky to disappear, which would lead to him, and everything on Earth dying. Now, the sky is still there, but it has nothing to keep it afloat, so the Titans split up the world onto 4 pillars, one on each corner of the Earth, to hold the sky.

Kronos released his brothers the Elder Cyclopes, and the Hundred Handed Ones, on one condition, he requested them to build the most beautiful palace on Mount Othrys, the tallest Mountain back then. So they did, they were the best constructors anyone could get in Ancient Greece, because well, the Hundred Handed Ones has 49 more pairs of arms to work with, and the Cyclops were VERY strong.

Now each Titan ended up living happily, and each of them ruled a point, with Kronos becoming the King of everything. Oceanus who refused to help was not given a point, but was given the Sea, and well, that’s how the phrase “Ocean” came out. Oceanus didn’t really mind getting the sea, he always enjoyed the waters.

Now pretty much each Titan got a spouse, which since no one else existed, were their sisters, and a point in the world, and some kids. But Kronos did not want anything to do with kids, because of Ouranos’ curse. Kronos stated that the Golden Age has begun, the time where Titans ruled the earth, but still no humans. For now, I’m gonna give you the specialty, spouse, and children of each Titan.

Oceanus got the Sea, and well, was The Titan of The Sea, that is until the gods come along. He expanded the sea to cover Earth, and the Sea is now mostly water. This is probably the Greek Myth version of the Continental Drift. He married Tethys, and the two of them became the parent to every river in all of Greece. Tethys became the Titan of, actually nothing to be honest, she is known as Oceanus’ wife. They had a daughter named Clymene.

Oceanus, The Eldest Son

Iapetus became the Titan of the West, and he is probably the best Titan in combat, his name literally meant “The Piercer”. Which means Iapetus is the Greek Version of Vlad Dracula. But on a more serious note, he impales anyone he fights, pierces them brutally, and well, he was a pretty strong Titan. Iapetus isn’t flashy, he is a calm Titan, but once you get him mad, well, he’ll go all Vlad on you.

Iapetus The Piercer, Also Known As Greek Vlad Dracula

Iapetus married a Titan named Clymene, who is his niece, she is the daughter of Oceanus and Tethys, oh my Titans, that’s just weirder… Anyways, they had 3 sons, one is named Atlas, who became Kronos’ general, and one is called Prometheus who is very smart by the way his name literally meant forethought, so he thinks things through before doing it. The last son is called Epimetheus, which literally meant afterthought, and well, he isn’t that smart, because he does things and then think.

Hyperion became the Titan of the East, and called himself the Lord Of The Light, cause sunlight travelled from east to west, and he managed to channel all light, and made himself a shiny showoff. He married Theia, who was the Titan of Clear Sight, and well she loved everything shiny, which, speaking of Shiny, there is a Lord of The Light, so… anything shinier than that? His daughter and son became the personification of the Sun and the Moon. Their names are Helios and Selene, and they are just glowing and glimmering like their father and mother.

The Shiny Titan, Hyperion.

The Statue Isn’t Shiny Cause Lamps and Light Bulbs Were Not Invented Yet

Koios ended up with the Northern Point, and he has the ability of Prophecies, he could ask questions to the sky, and get them answered. Honestly, I think Ouranos’ Spirt is the one who told him all of that, and he was alive, but he is probably traumatized to return back to Earth. Anyways, Koios became the Titan of Intelligence, he also passed down the power of prophecies down onto his Grandson, Apollo, which is known as the god of Prophecies, and a dozen more things, but that is for later.

Koios, Titan Of The Stars

Koios married Phoebe and had 2 children, Leto, Titan of Motherhood, and Asteria, Titan of the Stars. Phoebe ran her own Prophecy business, called the Oracle of Delphi, and it’s the most important Prophecy Center in all of Ancient Greece. Back then Oracles are the malls where socialites take selfies and post onto their social medias, so having the best Oracle in all of Greece is equivalent to having the best mall in the world.

Krios took the South, Krios is a silent Titan, and all he did all day was look at the southern constellations, and think, and all the boring stuff. He has a Ram as a symbol, because the Ram constellation showed up in the Southern Hemisphere of the sky. Krios is also one of the smartest Titans, and is known as Titan of Constellations. He didn’t marry any of her sisters, but he does have some kids with someone named Eurybia, Titan of… Krios’ wife. Nothing else

I couldn’t find a picture of Krios because he seems to be boring and the Greeks didn’t bother to make a statue of him.

Oh, by the way, Themis didn’t get married, and became a mediation Titan if there is some conflict. Officially known as Titan of Justice and Natural Law.  She is very wise, and is normally called if there is some conflict between her brothers.

Mnemosyne also did not get married, but she became the Titan of Memory, and oh boy… She is boring. She is that girl who knows everything and corrects every single wrong thing you say. Yup, you might guess why she didn’t get married.

Kronos, didn’t marry anyone yet, but he is very happy and became King Of The Universe, and Lord Of Time, like Doctor Who, you know, the name of the Alien Species he is, is Timelord. Anyways he can’t travel through time, but he could accelerate and make things seem fast, or decelerate and make things slow. He used to travel around Greece, and accelerate things so they get old and wither. Then he slows it down, so they die a painful and miserable death. . . Wow, that’s cruel, and well, I did mention that he is a sociopath right?

World’s First Ever Murderer, and Time Lord, Kronos

No One dared to dispute Kronos, cause well, dude would stop at nothing to keep his throne. What part of Cruelest, and Most Crooked you don’t understand? Oh regarding the curse, wait for next time.

So story ends, at least for now, and by the way, Bubi likes the Titans stories more than the gods, cause the Titans are less human-like than the Greek Gods, showing more strength and just overall more cocky, the way a deity should be. They do lack the brains though, and you’ll see more of that later.

Wait for Part 2!


Jaja’s Greek Mythology: Theseus Edition

Jaja’s Greek Mythology: Theseus Edition

I’ve recently taken more interest in Greek Mythology (I have been interested at it for a long time, but more recently), and decided to write them up using my version, and my own words. Jaja’s Greek Mythology is a series where I tell stories about a certain hero, god, or goddess. I will try to post a mythological figure every 2 weeks. This is just my first story, so I would appreciate feedback.

I started writing this story on Theseus, 2 weeks ago, and have only finished it recently. It was originally written in 3 parts.

Theseus Part 1

Theseus was a Greek Hero, he was a son of Poseidon (some versions state that he is purely mortal… But he seems so strong its nearly impossible for him to NOT be a demigod. Also some versions state that he has two fathers… one being Poseidon, the other being the King of Athens, I’m using that version). He is known for his rash and impulsive behavior. He also has a characteristic way of beating up bad guys by throwing them around like a child would with a toy. He is also known for being easily distracted. Sounds like a superpowerful dude with attention span problems. What makes Theseus different apart from being a stereotypical demigod, is that he is very clever, which I like that about him.

Lets see..

Theseus was the stepson (or real son) of the King Of Athens, the biggest city and the most democratic in Greece, i’m not saying it was the most powerful however. When he was born, cause the king was afraid his enemies that seek his throne in Athens, precisely his brother, heir to the throne and his brother’s 14 sons. wait.. was it 14 or 28.. Oh yeah.. 28 sons… WHAT THE . . . 28 SONS!?

EDIT: This was the wrong amount… His Uncle, Pallas, has 50 sons . . . . . I’m speechless…

Back on topic. The Athenian king, whose name I’ve forgotten. (Googles first), Aegeus, King of Athens has 51 people waiting for him to die. Why dont they just kill him? Killing a relative in the world of Ancient Greek Mythology without proper reason means that Zeus will kill you.. and you get a special punishment from Hades.

Aegeus, he’s the one on the right

So when Theseus was 1 week old, Aegeus left prizes for him under a boulder when he is strong enough to push the boulder away. Spoiler: Being a demigod he was strong enough to push the rock when he reached the age of 17.

Aegeus left him with his mother at her mother’s hometown, Troezen. Why? Cause there are 51 enemies of Aegeus that might be able to kill Theseus, because they are not related-ish, again, it’s so confusing… point is, It’s too dangerous to bring Theseus back home to Athens.

You know, just claim that Theseus is a son of Poseidon as well as his son, and all of Pallas and their sons won’t kill Theseus unless they want war with the 2nd most powerful god… But nope, Aegeus has to do weird stuff..

Her mother Aethra, is awesome, I mean raising a child is hard enough to do on your own.. Now Aethra? She raised an impulsive, superpowerful demigod with the inability to focus. She also raised her alone, and prepped Theseus for his journey to Athens. She tells her stories about dangerous bandits on the way to Athens.

So if one day you’re parents tells you to read a story like one of those Greek heroes used to hear to your little sister or brother, you know which one to tell to scare them. Remind me to do that on Alice :D.

Now if your mom complains about raising you… You have an excuse, “Hey, at least I’m not ADHD like Theseus.” Wait I take it back… DON’T SAY THAT UNLESS YOU HAVE A DEATHWISH. Mother’s are like a ticking time bomb. Me, luckily, I don’t have a mom. I have a Bubi. Unfortunately, A Bubi is like 10 times worse than your average mom. I still love you though <3

Okay back on topic… When he was a teenager, he grew up and became a strong, clever and handsome demigod.

No bandit, monster, or bad guy tried to even enter Troezen’s borders. Theseus can play with them like a child would with toys or video games, it must be nice raising a superhero like demigod, you can save money on those toys that cost a lot.

By 17, his boredom has annoyed his mother and his mother asked him to roll that boulder downhill. He found good leather sandals, and a sword. Hey, not a bad deal. This sword of his has the initials of Aegeus, it also has a symbol of an olive tree and owl. Which was the Athenian Kingdom symbol. Her mother told Theseus the sword was once his fathers.

His mother told him to go to Athens, and defend his father’s throne. Troezen to Athens was not that far in range, roughly 100 kilometers… But.. The short route? Filled with monsters, bandits, and tricksters. Not safe I take it… The other route is through the sea not much of a challenge, just way safer.

Theseus think of safe as boring…

So being an impulsive child, he took the dangerous route.


Now while on this way, Theseus remembered all the stories his mother used to tell him as a child. About all the villains on the way from Troezen to Athens. Today was the day he met them

He met a son of Hephaestus (God Of Blacksmiths and Fire), his name was Periphetes. The bad news? He is a bandit that uses a bronze and wooden club, he is strong and will smack you in the head with it, killing you, and then taking your valuables. The good news? her mother’s stories reminded him that he was a son of Hephaestus, which liked to be praised for their weapons craftmanship and skills.

So Theseus simply praised his weapon and asked to borrow it, so he can examine the weapon that will be used to kill him. Either Periphetes is an idiot, or he just likes to be praised SO much. Of course… Theseus killed him with the club, and then he kept it.

As he travelled, bandits and monsters either run away, or well… die

Couple of days after the average bandit and monster got cut up or headsmashed, Theseus met a pretty intriguing bandit. His name was Sinis, and he had a daughter named Perigune. Sinis has a weird hobby of keeping down pine trees by dragging the peak of the tree to the ground. He challenges people to do the same. In fact his nickname is “The Pine Bender”… Sounds like something from the Avatar, Legends Of Aang Series.


If you managed to beat him, you get to marry his daughter. If you decline the challenge, you can either get your body thrown up onto the air, or shredded into half by being tied up onto 2 pine trees. What if I try to run? you get slammed in the head by a boulder from a pine tree catapult.

So your options are… Try to get a pretty girl, and a 99% chance of dying in pain, Die in massive pain, or Die in pain.

Hmm…. Wonder what you’ll do

Hey, Theseus is smart and strong, and luckily, Sinis was one of the bandits that his mother told him about. He knew how Sinis could keep his grip onto that tree for what seems forever. Sinis is a son of Poseidon (so Theseus’ brother, Have I told you that a golden flying sheep, which eventually became a carpet is also any Son of Poseidon’s brother?) and Poseidon, being the summoner of earthquakes in Greek mythology, can sort of manipulate the Earth. Sinis also has this capability. He can plant his body in the earth the way a tree does.

A Picture Of Theseus (Right) And Sinis’s (Left) Tree Holding Contest.

So how does Theseus beat him?

Firstly he accepted Theseus’ challenge, and agreed to get one of his hands tied onto the pine tree, he left the other hand without any use. When Sinis let go of his grip, Theseus managed to hold the tree for a while. After a while, he cut the strap that was used to tie him up. He is still holding the tree. Not long after, Sinis got curious and took a peek at how Theseus managed to hold much longer. When Sinis got close to the tree, he let go and sent Sinis flying like a catapult sending a rock.

Sinis fainted.

When he woke up. . . He got a taste of his own medicine, Theseus tied him up onto 2 pine trees like he would do to anyone who declines. And well… You can guess what happened.

Fortunately, Theseus being a self-righteous man, he released Perigune and continued his journey to Athens.

After another few days he landed at a town called Crommyon. Never heard of it? Oh that’s cause the town is only remembered for a short while, when Theseus visited. At this town, Theseus heroically slayed the mighty… Pig… and its owner, an old lady…

Right? Am I reading this right? Moving on

The next bandit he met was someone named Sciron. He has a pet turtle (oh wait… A Pet GIANT Turtle) and raided people near seas, where his turtle lived. He is also Theseus’ brother, another Son Of Poseidon.

From his mother’s stories he remembered Sciron is a guy who either kills you and takes everything you own, or force you to wash his dirty feet (and kick the poor guy to be turtle food, although Sciron does not tell this part). He remembered Sciron’s weakness his mother tells him. He loves to be praised.

So that’s what he does, he praised Sciron and almost washed his feet while praising his greatness. While distracted he tripped Sciron and made him Turtle Food

After many bandits you should be able to guess Theseus’ philosophy:
Give people a taste of their own medicine, so they know that what they’re doing is bad and they feel that.

After Sciron he finally made it to Athens, but It’s still a long journey for Theseus.

Theseus Part 2

Previously, In Theseus’ story.. He was born with 2 dads. His mother doesn’t need to spend money on toys. He made his mother frustrated, cause he is annoying… (Sounds like me) He killed lots of dudes with their own weapons. and he fed a giant turtle, the meal for the turtle was the turtle’s owner.

The regular day of a demigod.

He reached Athens.. Who is now, the capital of Greece… Back then Athens was rich… Powerful? I’m not sure about that. As I said last week, Athens was the best city in Greece. But after taking a look at it’s state, I take it back. Until Theseus became king that is, and if he does become king.

So why isn’t Athens great?

List of Problems
1. King Aegeus, Theseus’ father is only the king of Athens by name. The city is ruled by ruffians that are Theseus’ cousins, known as the Pallanides. Yes, The King Of Athens has a younger brother, the brother has 50 sons, as I said before. These people would kill any possible heir to Aegeus, so that they get the throne when Aegeus dies. Cause of them, the king was paranoid, and made sure no one he doesn’t know are allowed to be even near the king.

2. Aegeus does not know that Theseus is his son . . . Of course, if you leave your son when he’s an infant, you won’t know.

3. Every 7 years, 7 young men and women from Athens must be fed to the Minotaur (Half Man Half Bull Monster) in Crete. It’s a long story, involving Zeus, sports accident, death, ruffians, and surrendering. But within 2 months since Theseus arrived, the sacrifice will be sent.

4. King Aegeus, has a new wife, named Medea . She’s a sorceress, and she also wants HER son, to be king. Being a sorceress, with spies all over the place, she knew Theseus was Aegeus’ son, and she wants to kill him.

5. A bull in a place near Athens called Marathon, was wreaking havoc, seriously? More Bull problems? This is Bullshit :D. The bull was then named, Marathonian Bull, cause the Greeks traded out creativity in coming up with names, for having gods that fall in love with mortals every time a pretty one shows up. Also, fun fact… The Bull was one of Hercules’ labors, but he released it at the wrong place

So, does Athens seem powerful now?

Wait, good news, who would’ve thought

1. Anyone who kills the Marathonian Bull gets dinner with the king.

Just one? LOL

More bad news from the previous good news? Ooh there’s some

1B. That means if Theseus slays the bull, he gets to meet face to face with Medea :/ Which means, He’ll die from magic.
2B. Medea is a good liar, and a murderer, also a great sorceress. I’m writing about Jason and The Argonauts when I want to, and you should read that if I finally decide to write that up.

Right.. I think that’s enough paragraphs filled with problems.

So, Theseus decided to kill the bull. Unfortunately, Zeus had other plans. See, the bull was sacred to one of his sons. Weirdly enough, his son, Minos, King Of Crete (The same one kingdom with the Minotaur) was the one who gave it to Hercules. Maybe that’s cause they are both sons of Zeus, since they’re half brothers and Zeus didn’t mind. But a son of Poseidon? *gasp* NO WAY! He threw a massive storm that prevented Theseus from getting out.

So Theseus went to a Temple Of Zeus. A Priestess there told him to sacrifice the Bull and do not kill it, unless as a sacrifice to Zeus. The Gods are already rich, but they still demand sacrifices. Oh, you do not want to? If you live in Ancient Greece… Well I’m sure each Olympian will have a way of punishing you.

So he made a trap, and placed it near a barn. He lured the bull inside the barn. Some versions say that he pretended to be a some sort of… Female Cow… But I think that’s ridiculous. Let’s just say he used grass and lured the bull onto a barn and caught it.

Theseus riding the Marathonian Bull, before sacrificing it.

Once caught, Theseus rode the Bull back onto the Temple Of Zeus, and sacrificed it.

He went back to Athens, still anonymous. Everyone is curious, who the heck is this awesome young man who slayed the Marathonian Bull. A while before dinner with the king, who by the way, is now old and weak, Medea told his husband that this young man is an assassin that works with his brother.

Being a paranoid king who has an assassinphobia, (I made that up) he ordered his servants to put poison in Theseus’ wine.

Luckily, Theseus being a clever dude, remembered what his mother told him about the sword. He came onto the king’s palace with his sword unsheathed. Aegeus recognized the sword that was once his. He immediately knew who Theseus was… His son, so he threw away the poisoned wine, and caught up with Theseus. Medea was supposed to be punished, but she ran away. Trust me… You haven’t read how messed up Medea actually is.


Now all that is left to do is to get rid of problem numbers 1 and 3… Unfortunately, those two are the hardest.

Hard? Really?

The very next day, before I was focused, and was actually doing something, seemed to be a prime time for bad guy slaying. Theseus killed all the Pallantides, each group of them normally contains 5-10 out of 50. They were dead first thing in the morning. Of course, before they knew who he was, cause then, he would be outnumbered as the Pallantides won’t split up.

What about Pallas? Aegeus’ brother? He was exiled. A very merciful punishment.

Okay, now problem number 3 is the best and most fun one.

Not long afterwards, lotteries were pulled for the third seven year cycle of human flesh for the Minotaur. Who will be the lucky Athenian to win a free trip to Crete, a free ticket to the Labyrinth where the Minotaur lives, and free dinner… for the Minotaur.

Wow, what a prize! And Theseus volunteered to defend the other lucky lottery winners.

Aegeus begged for Theseus not to come to Crete. But, being the impulsive child he is… He didn’t care. Luckily, Aegeus made Theseus promise to use white sails instead of black to symbolize that they survived.

What’s up with Black and White? That’s my second favorite Michael Jackson song.

Oh you meant Black and White sails? Black sails symbolize death, and failure. White is not black.

So Theseus sailed to take care of the Minotaur, and Let’s Make Athens Great Again!

To Be Continued 😀

Theseus, Part 3

So, last time, Theseus bravely offered himself as a sacrifice for King Minos’ crazy bullheaded man, or manbodied bull.

3 days after leaving Athens, Theseus led the 14 offerings, and they made way onto the worst monster in all of Crete.

King Minos. . .

King Minos, Evil King Of Crete.

No seriously, this dude is filled with TOTAL CRUELTY, I can write about his cruelty, but that will be a different story! The Minotaur was his stepson, but that’s a long story, involving Aphrodite (Goddess of Love, and Beauty), a bull, Poseidon, and Minos’ old wife.

But, apparently Minos isn’t cruel enough to not feed these offerings. He gave these poor Athenians a proper bedchamber in the palace, and a nice dinner, before they become dinner themselves!

King Minos just HATES Theseus at first sight.

Over the past 7 year phases where Athens started feeding the Minotaur, King Minos saw poor young people from a rival kingdom, being a bunch of pessimists, pitying their poor luck, and just trying to enjoy their last day, before the Minotaur enjoys his meal.

Theseus however, being an optimistic guy, ended up sharing stories of his travels to Athens and whatever I told you in the previous 2 parts, granting confidence to the rest of his fellow Athenians.

So, King Minos wants him to die now, before he even stood a chance to kill the Minotaur. Really? Isn’t that a bit unfair? Who cares? He’s King Minos.

He challenged him to catch one of his gold rings (Dude’s rich, he can throw away an expensive gold ring, and just grab some more) he threw the ring from his palace onto the oceans, which was having a storm, and the currents were also heavy at night.. Minos said that only a son of Poseidon could ever swim such a harsh current, and survive jumping a 50 foot tower fall from the castle onto the sea, and if Theseus was truly a son of Poseidon, he could find it.

Now, after reading 2 parts of Theseus’ story, you would know that:

A: He is very rash, and doesn’t think through things that much
B: He has daddy issues, Why? He’s got 2 of them

So, after Minos brought up point B, he proved point A right by having Theseus jump, and well, while on the way down, he prayed to his father to save him.

Phew, the prayer delivery system isn’t like Internet during a saturday night (HORRIBLY SLOW) and was more like my house’s Wi-Fi, FAST!. If it wasn’t, then Theseus would’ve died. He swam through the currents with grace, like any son of Poseidon should. He dove for a glimmering ring, and swam up again.

With wet clothes, he barged in through the castle doors, and shoved the ring onto Minos’ face. The glory when someone tries to embarrass you but ends up getting embarrassed themselves is PRICELESS.

In the meantime, one of Minos’ daughters fell in love with Theseus’ courage, handsomeness, and wits. Her name was Ariadne, she didn’t want Theseus to die and get eaten by the Minotaur.

So, after Theseus fell asleep, Ariadne went onto her mentor’s chamber inside the labyrinth. Who’s her mentor? Daedalus, the dude killed his own nephew, (he has a son that could make a great story, but again, next time). He was banished to Crete cause of that. He keeps devising ways for his evil master and king, Minos, to make Crete the best kingdom in all of Greece. I personally don’t get why Minos gets a reward while Daedalus was punished.

Now, Problems for Theseus:
1. The Labyrinth is confusing, just cause you could find the Minotaur, doesn’t mean you could find the way out.
2. Number 1 is a problem, If you Could kill the Minotaur, hand to hand, for, No weapons are allowed to be carried inside The Labyrinth.

Back on Track

Ariadne remembered everything Daedalus taught him to find a way inside the labyrinth. “When In Doubt Turn Right”. As simple as that. Never turn Left, always take the “right” path.

She found Daedalus’ chamber, and Daedalus gave Ariadne a ball of thread. He told her to tie it onto the door, and just weave the string, follow it on the way out. So that’s one problem covered.

Daedalus told Ariadne that you could use the Minotaur’s own horns as a weapon, and that the Minotaur used to have a real name. His name was Asterion, use that name to distract the beast.

So there are minor tricks to beat the Minotaur, despite you have no weapons.

While Theseus was asleep, Ariadne woke her up, and told him everything she knew. Ariadne made Theseus promise to take her home back to Athens if he survived, and made her Theseus’ wife. Theseus agreed.

The very next day …

It’s a Minotaur feeding time! Theseus bravely led the Athenians to enter the Labyrinth without any weapons, while all of Crete are celebrating this bloodbath with the annual “Minotaur Feeding Show”. Theseus tied the ball of string Ariadne gave him onto the doors of the Labyrinth. He entered, and took Ariadne’s advice, “When In Doubt, Turn Right”.

Not long after, he entered the lair of the Minotaur. What he saw in that lair was disgusting! YUCK, he saw skulls of dead Athenians, he saw blood, and some hay for snacking, he saw a muscly man, with the head of a horned bull, or a bull with the body of a man, it’s like a Zebra, black stripes white skin? or white stripes black skin?

           The Minotaur! Half Man Half Bull.

The Minotaur was enraged, and hungry, he charged up, trying to attack Theseus, and the rest of his lunch. Before the Minotaur even had a chance of feasting any Athenians, Theseus told them to stay behind the entrance of the Minotaur’s chamber, keeping them safe, where the Minotaur couldn’t reach them. Theseus bravely fought the bull hand to hand, but no matter how strong Theseus is, the Minotaur is definitely stronger. Theseus just knew he couldn’t beat that Minotaur with nothing but brawns, and he used something else that the Minotaur doesn’t have. Brains.

I’m sure you’ve read this part of Theseus before, but Theseus is a very clever dude, and he could outsmart anyone in combat.

The Minotaur is using his head as he fought Theseus! He rammed him with it.

So, what did Theseus do? He yelled the name “Asterion!”, as the Minotaur charged forward. The Minotaur stopped and stood there in a trance, he remembered that name, he remembered his human half, before he was seen as a monster. But that memory was interrupted when Theseus climbed on his back, taking his horn. Enraged,The Minotaur tossed Theseus away, where Theseus hurt his arm. Despite the pain, he charged, and bravely, he thrusted the Minotaur’s horn onto his chest. The Minotaur bellowed, screaming loudly, echoing through all of Crete, and he died, Theseus still felt pity for the Minotaur, no matter how terrible he has been to the people of Athens, the true monster in his eyes is King Minos, he prayed that the Minotaur would be given a peaceful rest.

Theseus lead the other Athenians and followed Ariadne’s String on his way out, he showed the Minotaur’s broken horn to the people of Crete, and he immediately took Ariadne away. Weirdly in the crowd, Ariadne’s sister, Phaedra also followed Theseus, since she also hated her father’s kingdom, and now, King Minos, has no Daughter’s for him to yell at. This leads to Daedalus’s misery, tenfold.

Theseus went back, married Ariadne. They lived Happily Ever After, as the King and Queen of Athens.


You think it ended happily?

NO! Greek heroes, (ALMOST) never have a happy ending

So, 1 day on his 3 day trip back home, Theseus became an A-Class Jerk.

He dumped Ariadne on an island he came across, leaving her alone, cause Theseus thinks that her sister is prettier than Ariadne, but luckily, Dionysus, the God Of Wine, (no, seriously, That’s a thing) and one of the strongest gods (Again, I’m serious, I didn’t believe it at first, but I think that’s an interesting story).

Anyways, Ariadne was found by Dionysus on an island, and Dionysus made Ariadne his immortal wife. So that’s a happy ending.

Theseus ended up marrying Ariadne’s sister, Phaedra, and they celebrated a lot on the way home, they partied so much Theseus forgot to change the color of the sails, as it is still black.

Well, I didn’t remember it either actually, but I didn’t think it would’ve been a matter of life and death. Aegeus, Theseus’ father leapt to his death off the palace’s roof after seeing the color of the sail.

Theseus arrived and was immediately crowned the rightful king of Athens. Was he sad? I’m not sure honestly. He barely even knew the guy.

Now, if you think the terrible things Theseus has done is bad enough, it’s going to be worse, tenfold.

If you’re one of my homeschooled friends, then you would know there are bad influences back in school.

If you are still in school, you might remember some friends that are not good influences, and your mom might tell you to stay away from that friend.

Now, Theseus, met a dude who was one of those bad influences. He was leader of the Lapiths, a tribe who joins parties of Centaurs, and Centaurs are known as crazy party dudes. What’s a Centaur? Ever saw a Half Man Half Horse? That’s a Centaur

Dude’s name was Pirithous, and Theseus did terrible things with him which includes:

  1. Killing Centaurs, leaving their dead bodies on streets of Athens
  2. Kidnapping Helen of Troy, sounds like something that someone else has done? Yeah, She got kidnapped by Theseus when she was not of marrying age yet. He decided that he should let her go anyways. She ended up marrying King Menelaus, and… I should write about that.
  3. He didn’t even govern Athens properly, he became someone who partied, partied, and partied all day long.

Athens was starting to hate Theseus. But they reached their last straw when Theseus and Pirithous went onto the Underworld, and tried kidnapping Persephone, Hades’ wife, (She’s also a victim of constant kidnapping). They failed, of course, Theseus ended up imprisoned by Hades, and was freed by Hercules, long story.

After returning home again, Athens hated Theseus, Phaedra, his wife dumped him, and left.

But Athens still has little respect for all the good things their king has done.

Until he killed a young man his ex-wife fell in love with. Okay, kidnapping is kind of fine, the gods do it ALL the time, Murder? No king is worthy of murder. Athens hated him to the point of Donald Trump hate.

He left and travelled onto a place called Scyros, and became the general there.

The people of Scyros, hated his rep, Theseus rep is practically trash.

So the people at Scyros threw Theseus down the sea, and he drowned. Poseidon has no reason to save his own son again, after his terrible actions.

Moral of the story?
Theseus did things his way in his youth, he defeated evil people using their own way of defeating people he used karma.
Things were going great for Theseus, until he dumped Ariadne, who helped him.
Karma caught up to him, and one’s reputation can change, quickly. 20 good deeds, can disappear after a bad one. Theseus destroyed his own reputation and you should remember that one’s rep is hard to gain, but easy to wreck. How is he still seen as a hero? One can hide bad deeds and not tell them, and people tried to remember the good things he has done.

I think Theseus deserved all the hate he has at the end of his life, he can’t maintain a proper attitude, or behavior, he isn’t worthy to be king.

Until next time!