Jaja’s Greek Mythology, The Beginning, Part 2

Jaja’s Greek Mythology, The Beginning, Part 2

I’ve recently taken more interest in Greek Mythology (I have been interested at it for a long time, but more recently), and decided to write them up using my version, and my own words. Jaja’s Greek Mythology is a series where I tell stories about a certain hero, god, or goddess. I will try to post a mythological figure every 2 weeks. Currently, I’m reviewing the beginning, since humans weren’t invented yet, and so are the Greek gods we know of.

Whoa… It’s been a month? Sorry for not posting for a long time.. anyways, do enjoy the article…

Previously, the Sky was killed, and was far too traumatized to return to the Earth, Kronos was cursed, and most of the Titans got married, except Kronos.

After all the fuss from last month’s story, Gaia, decided to sleep, since everything seemed fine to her. How long did she sleep? Oh I don’t know, 4000 years? Anyways she still has some strength to project her consciousness, but she can’t wake up and project a physical form.

Also, on a side note, Gaia is like Bubi… She has a temper, but she is a good mom. But Jaja… does that mean she gets mad easily? Well… Not as fast as Bubi in a bad mood, but I guess yes… Killing Ouranos was her idea after all.

Kronos was scared of the curse from his father, which I think makes sense, but even as King of Everything, he is annoyed, how come his brothers and sisters have children, and is enjoying life, but he can’t enjoy his life, even though he is literally king of everything? See, that is the problem with Kronos, as powerful as he is, he is very insecure. It’s weird how people are like that.

Not to mention Rhea, the youngest sister (who was the prettiest according to some poems) wasn’t married yet, so maybe, (just maybe) Kronos could marry her, and not have kids.

Funny story? When you google Rhea, the Titan, even before marriage, along with Leto she is already crowned as Titan of Motherhood. Which is weird, WHY OH WHY? Would you select someone who rules over motherly stuff, when you do not want kids.

Despite being a gentle Titan, Rhea can be feisty, and she considered an animal to be her symbol. So she chose Lions as her sacred animal. Feisty, and in a sense they are motherly.

So, anyways, Rhea was convinced (read: forced) to marry Kronos, cause he is practically Adolf Hitler, if you don’t agree with the Fuhrer, you would be executed.

The weirdest part? Kronos decided that kids would be fine, maybe only a Titan would be born, and how bad can it be? Besides, Kronos could kill the Titan when he seems to have the slightest bit of a chance to overpower him, and take over.

But well 9 months after Kronos and Rhea got married, a Baby Girl was born, Rhea named her Hestia. She presented the baby to Kronos, and well, little Hestia didn’t even look like a Titan, she radiated energy, and has a glowing aura surrounding her. She was a Goddess, (so that’s a Goddess invented in the world, we only need humans now) the first one (to be known) in fact.

Kronos used his powers on time, and pictured Hestia in the future, he saw Hestia being stronger than the Titans. He saw Hestia doing things a Titan cannot do, such as shapeshifting, radiating energy, commanding the world, and some more godly stuff. So, I’ll give you 10 seconds to guess what did he do.

Done? So, you might think, he killed Hestia, but nope, he couldn’t, remember when I mentioned Rhea’s sacred animal being Lions? (She is technically the Lion Queen :D) She brought them, anywhere she went. Scary? Well I would be scared when I meet a girl with lions around her. Kronos thought that too.

So, Kronos opened his mouth as wide as a Hippopotamus yawning, and. . . Kronos ate Hestia. . .

Hestia Given To Kronos…

Rhea freaked out, but what can she do? Kronos still controls everything, and time, and still has his Scythe. Unless she wanted to be like Ouranos, then fighting isn’t an option. Besides, Rhea is gentle by heart, although she is feisty, she won’t fight unless she has to. Wait, if you were her would you fight? I wouldn’t… Kronos is scary…

Here is another picture of his scariness…

Remember how scary he was?

On the bright side, Hestia wasn’t dead. She is immortal, and she could still grow, even inside of Kronos’ stomach. Gross? Nods in agreement.

Okay, so not long after, Kronos wanted more kids :/ Really? KRONOS? I think he has an obsession with his Dad’s curse, and wants to prove Ouranos wrong . So, Rhea gave birth to, a baby girl, cuter, and radiating a stronger aura than Hestia, she named her Demeter, what happened? She became lunch.

Third child? (Yeah, Kronos is a pushover) A Little Cute Goddess, named Hera. For Kronos, maybe she is called afternoon snack.

Baby number four, a boy, finally it’s a boy, does that give him a better chance of survival? HAHA… Nope… He’s still not a Titan, and also the strongest one yet. Hades became a meal too.

Number five. . . A boy god, glowing with an aura that is stronger than the others, Poseidon, but Kronos ate him, like he did with 4 of the older siblings.

Okay, Rhea should have like left Kronos by now. But, where would she go? I mean, literally everything is Kronos’ domain, and running to anywhere that isn’t his territory (e.g. Tartarus) means death. She could complain to her other Brothers and Sisters, but all of the male Titans, which also meant her Nephews, and Brothers, worked for Kronos.

Except, Epimetheus and Prometheus, because they were busy playing and inventing other life forms. You might heard of them, but Prometheus called them Mini-Titans, or Man for short (this isn’t true, but I like the coincidence). Yup, Prometheus invented us, based on Greek Mythology. Yaay, we exist now.

Prometheus Invents Us From Clay

What happened to humans back then? Imagine that we are toys, and the Titans are babies, without any parents supervision. We are toys that they break. We are small, and chances they won’t notice us, and we got stepped on.

Back on track, as for the Female Titans, they are afraid of Kronos, and can’t really do a thing but tell her to be patient.

Hang on, just before the sixth child of Rhea and Kronos was born…

Remember the Cyclops and Hecatoncheires? (I spelled this without googling, yaay) Kronos decided to dump them onto Tartarus… Again. Why? Kronos was annoyed, of their loud behavior. The uglier brothers of Kronos had a hobby of building stuff, which is LOUD LOUD LOUD. Back then building stuff requires a hammer, and blacksmithing stuff, and a blacksmith is noisy. So, Kronos tossed them onto Tartarus and found the perfect warden.

She is Ugly, and scary. Their Warden is a she-monster named Kâmpe. Imagine a dragon body, with a bunch of animal heads as a belt, and snake as hairs. If you are a boy you might think “That’s awesome!”. But no, it’s gross, in fact, here is a picture.

Kampe, She-Monster

Back on Rhea, what did she do?

She decided to ask for one more children, but this time, she decided to gave birth outside of Mount Othrys, if Kronos asks, she can say that it’s a prophecy from Phoebe and Koios, or something like that. She asked Gaia where to give birth, and she answered, even while asleep, she said Crete. Why Crete? Maybe Gaia was too sleepy to think so she just mumbled something.

So, Rhea left and gave birth in Crete. A handsome and strong son was born, and raised in a cave at Mount Ida. Rhea named her Zeus (the meaning of Zeus? Alive, and that is all of her hopes on him), and she told the Nymphs and Satyrs of Crete to babysit Zeus until he was grown up.

What’s a nymph? It’s a spirit that is connected to a natural object like trees, or water, or mountains. A satyr is a half goat half man creature, thing. They were born from the blood of Ouranos.

What did Rhea do to replace the baby? She used a rock. Remember on part 1’s ending I said the Titans lack brains? Kronos literally ate the rock, and pretended it was a job well done.

Rhea did not want to divorce Kronos (since the Greeks have no concept on divorce, at least yet, or… I’m not entirely sure actually), but he told him she wanted NO MORE KIDS! Ever.

Kronos was fine with that, and he was dumb enough to think he was safe.

Okay, 18 years later, complete with Spongebob screen and narrator voice…

Kronos: He can’t think. No seriously, you can’t think with a stomachache. With 5 teenage gods on his belly, Kronos proved that Teenagers are a pain, only for him… literally. Yo, Jaja, aren’t you a teenager? True, I never said I wasn’t a pain.

Rhea: Over the past 18 years, she visited Zeus a lot, and gave Zeus the worst bedtime stories which consist of the stories I have told you up there, and last episode.

Zeus: He became a strong god, and was determined to free his siblings, and avenge his dad. I guess stories from a mom could really affect someone’s personality. (This is proven psychologically too!)

Okay, so pretty much, Rhea gave Zeus a command. Transform onto a Titan, and apply as a cup bearer, for Kronos at his palace.

Zeus went onto the palace at Mount Othrys, and he became the most popular servant at the palace. Why?

  1. He was the most handsome servant.
  2. He has the best jokes to entertain his father, uncles, and cousins, although Kronos doesn’t know Zeus is his son.
  3. He was so good at bearing cups, and was pretty fast at doing his own job too.

One day, after his popularity increased, Zeus conjured some special nectar concoction, and he challenged Kronos onto a drinking contest with every other Titan. Kronos did agree, and he and all of the Titans drank whatever Zeus gave them.

You know what Zeus gave them? He gave Kronos something that would make him barf up his siblings, and he gave the rest of his Titans a sleep potion.

So, while his uncles and cousins fell asleep, Kronos barfed every single teenage god and goddess in his belly. Gross… Please tell me you’re not eating right?

So, they ran away, and Zeus thought of a plan for them. Zeus’s plan pretty much went like this…

  1. Release the Hecatoncheires and Cyclops
  2. Have them build weapons for them
  3. Kill the Titans
  4. Be the kings of the universe
  5. Split up the world, using some lottery
  6. Cheat the lottery so Zeus gets the best pick 😀

He didn’t mention number 6 though.

They went onto Tartarus as bats (the gods could shapeshift, how do you think that they’d fit in Kronos’ belly?). They found the Cyclops and Hundred Handed Ones, they saw Kâmpe, and they saw the torture she did to them. Kâmpe forced these poor monsters to work, and then she disassembled the weapons on her own, when she sees some progress. Their work will never-ever be done.

So Zeus whispered to them something like this…

  • Zeus: Yo dudes, I’m your Nephew, Zeus. You want to get out of here?
  • Briares: How do we get out?
  • Zeus: Build us 3 weapons
  • Briares: What about Kâmpe?
  • Zeus: Build something that we can use to kill her. Construct 3 different parts, and then throw it to us, let us assemble it.
  • Briares: K bro, will you let us out then?
  • Zeus: Sure, just help us kill Kronos
  • Briares: Love to do that.

So, Briares, the other Hundred Handed Ones, and the Cyclops constructed a harmless piece, assembled them when Kâmpe wasn’t looking, and tossed it onto the Gods and Goddesses.

Zeus caught the first weapon. What is it? It’s a Lightning Bolt. Zeus’s Lightning Bolt is like a nuclear bomb, if you get struck by that… Immortals would survive as toast, let alone mortals. He immediately killed Kâmpe with it.

Zeus and His Bolt

What about the others? Well, Zeus didn’t give them a chance, cause he wants to showoff. His ego is as large as Mount Othrys.

Anyways, The Hundred Handed Ones, and Cyclops made another weapon, it is a staff with 3 points on the edge, called a Trident. Poseidon called Dibs, and he held it. That weapon has the ability to create storms, every point has a storm swirling, and when Poseidon struck it onto the ground, an Earthquake occured. He could also summon and control waters with it.

Poseidon’s Three Edged Trident

They made one last weapon (HAHAHAH, this isn’t a weapon, it’s a trinket). They made a helm for Hades. Poor guy, he put it on and he became Invisible, on the bright side, anyone looking at the Helmet of Darkness (Hades decided to give it a cool name so it’s not so bad) would have nightmares, and fear flowing all over them.

Hades’s Magneto Helmet…

Wait, what about Hera, Demeter, and Hestia? Nope, Girls don’t get weapons.

Before I get to the War between Kronos and Zeus, Zeus and Rhea tried their best to recruit some of the Titans to fight and support them. Everyone afraid of Kronos, which is all of the female titans, sided with Zeus, Prometheus, and Epimetheus also sided with Zeus. Probably they got sick of them.

Helios, Selene, and Oceanus decided to remain Neutral, as long as they could keep their jobs, regardless of who won and not get killed. Although, when the gods took over, they retired anyways, but, hey, they didn’t get punished.

The war between the Gods and Titans lasted for 5 years, cause Kronos was playing with time and made things feel slow. Guess who won? The gods, but how?

They fought brutally, and Greece was probably thrashed like my room if Alice was in it while no one is watching. That’s very messy, for the record. After a frontal assault did not work, they tried something more indirect.

They know that they have some advantages over the Titans. They have ballistic powers, and could win in a long range combat. So, they decided to throw out everything they’ve got, and then finish the Titans once they’ve taken everything.

The gods climbed up Mount Olympus, a 9000 foot tall mountain next to it, which is about 1000 feet less taller than Mount Othrys, who is towering at 10000-ish. Here’s what they did, and it’s all Zeus leading, by giving the others a bunch of commands, and overall this is what they did.

  • Zeus throws down a bunch of lightning bolts, conjure up a storm and everything thunder related.
  • Poseidon is told to create an earthquake and summon tidal waves from the seas.
  • The Cyclops should forge up some gigantic rocks and hurl them in a catapult.
  • The Hecatoncheires would hurl the rocks that the Cyclops made. With their 100 hands, and since there is 3 of them, they could throw 300 rocks per toss.
  • Hades would wear his cool named helmet and be invisible.
  • The girls would watch.

Yup, I pity Hades and the girls.

So, next morning, on Mount Othrys, a storm and earthquake woke up everyone. Once they’ve gotten their consciousness back after the surprise attack, it was raining rocks. Everything was crumbling, and well the palace got destroyed, half of the mountain crumbled on top of them, and the waters swept them away, leaving them helpless under the rubble of their own palace.

Mount Othrys Crumbling

After the dust settled, the Titans were given some punishments, but I honestly don’t think they deserve it. Except Kronos, and that is all cause he swallowed his children.

Why? Aren’t they cruel? Firstly, despite the Nazi-like dictatorship, they are literally the only things that lived back then, humans did exist, but they can’t really do a thing to them, since they died as fast as a fly when compared to the timeline of the titans.

Scientific Fact and Math… Flies live and die in one week-ish, when accounting their time as an egg and larva, if Humans live for 70 years on average, Flies only live for 1/3650 of our lives. Titans maybe have lived for 6000-7000 years, so then 100% of our lives are only 1% of theirs, so we wouldn’t matter much would we?

Ok for the punishments…

Female Titans are allowed to marry Gods, and so are the better Male Titans like Prometheus and Epimetheus. Some versions state that those 2 brothers are rewarded with the right to name and make every Animal on Earth, like they did with us. We must be an experiment for them…

The 4 Titans holding the world pillars are cast to Tartarus, and they are chained, with the Cyclops and Hundred Handed Ones as their wardens. They were happy for all the bad things they’ve done to them

Atlas, who is Kronos’ General, and is super strong, kinda like Superman… was tricked onto holding the sky. Why? The 4 pillars owned by Iapetus, Krios, Hyperion, and Koios are locked in place, if no one is locking the pillars as king, the Sky is falling! I don’t get the Chicken Little logic here, but ok… Now Atlas is locked and chained up, forced to live with a sore neck, stuck under the weight of the Sky.

Atlas Holding The Sky

Wait! Physics Break before we get to Kronos! If a star smaller than our sun (not many of those) has about 50-80% of the Sun’s mass, and Jupiter’s mass is about 1/1000th of a sun, and Earth is about 1/1000th of Jupiter… Then Atlas would carry the weight of at least 5.000.000 Earths. That’s not accounting any constellation, and just about 10 Dwarf Stars. So, Atlas needs to be super strong to lift that. In fact, Superman can lift earth, and that means, Atlas needs to be able to be as strong as 5.000.000 Kryptonians after Red Sun Exposure.

OK… Kronos… He got a taste of his own medicine. He was cut up by Hades, Poseidon, and Zeus, with his own Scythe, only now, he is thrown to Tartarus, inside of a coffin. The Scythe was then gifted to Demeter, cause she wants to use it for farming, and agricultural stuff.

With Kronos out of the way, now Poseidon, Hades, and Zeus split up a lottery. The gods all agreed that Earth must only be neutral territory, with Humans as a collaboration project. The domains that they may claim include the Sky, Sea, and Underworld… Wait, what about Oceanus? He… I’m actually not sure, but I think he split up the ocean with Poseidon, and eventually retired, giving Poseidon full responsibility

Unexpectedly… Zeus got first pick (Cause he cheated… see Step 6 above), so he picked The Sky as his domain, and he will rule from the peak of Mount Olympus, watching on humans, dating mortal princesses, and just enjoying life as king.

Poseidon on the other hand got second pick, and he got the Ocean. So, 2nd place? Well, not bad… But he got Saltier than the oceans, cause he only got second place. He should be grateful…

Hades? Alright, so… You know how he has bad luck with being the oldest son, and 2 irresponsible brothers? You know how bad his luck is when he only got a helmet as a weapon? Well… His domain is his worst luck yet. He got Erebos, a.k.a. The Underworld and isn’t allowed to visit Olympus. Right… Sorry Hades.

Well, they became better rulers overall, and they finally made use for us humans, and let us develop… so that’s a start for Greek Writers to write up Greek Mythology in the first place.

Ok… The story ends here, but check back next week for my next Greek Mythology episode which will be a guideline and introduction for the most well-known Greek Gods.

 

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